Journal De Priere

Sino ang Espiritu Santo? (Who is the Holy Spirit?)

2008-05-31T22:15:00.005+08:00

In the month of May, our sessions centred on the Holy Spirit. We began by introducing the Holy Spirit as the third person of the Holy Trinity and then a session on Pentecost followed by the Holy Trinity.

On the saturday before Pentecost , Chris gave a teaching about the Power of the Holy Spirit.

The rest of us acted a skit on Pentecost to illustrate that the Holy Spirit has the POWER to CHANGE.

In preparation for pentecost, we also prayed over each child for more of the Holy Spirit in their lives.

On the saturday before the feast of the Holy Trinity, I gave a teaching on the Holy Trinity. The children discussed and presented their views on 'Who God is'.

Michael plucking up the courage to share from the front.

Last week, Therese gave a teaching on the Fruits of the Spirit.

Beyond my comfort zones

2008-05-05T20:21:00.007+08:00

Before I began working with the poor in the Philippines, I used to work with Youth in Singapore. I taught catechism to youth preparing for confirmation and journeyed with a group of older youth. In these years of being in Youth ministry, I became familiar with their needs and issues,what teaching method to use. In some ways I have also grown comfortable journeying with youth as it was a 'forte' I had acquired.

Thus, when I joined the ICPE mission in the Philippines, my natural preferred choice of ministry would be young adults or older youth. I was happy when I was assigned to join the team ministering to youth in the first year of my formation. In the second year of my formation, however, we were asked to joined the children’s ministry, to reach out to them and to impart faith to the younger children in our children’s ministry. Initially I had felt very helpless, because at that time, my impression of the children was – rowdy and difficult to manage. I had no prior experience teaching kids, and did not know how to discipline them or what teaching method to use. I wondered if I would be patient enough for the children. I felt inadequate and had a lot of fears and reservations. However, I still decided to give it a try because in the Philippines , there are many children in need of pastoring.

“ Salamat Po Paginoon para sa Pamilya ko” (Thank you Lord for my family), says one of the children at one of our weekly session. Since March, a new initiative to disciple children who has potential to be future youth leaders was started. Part of this new weekly session is a time of thanking God for the blessings received for the week.

To meet the different developmental needs of the children, the ministry now has two separate sessions for older and younger children.

Since my Yes, God had been faithful. He has continuously provided gifts and anointing to help these children. I have also learnt some facts about children of different ages and methods of motivating them from different 'experts'. I am still learning ,but now with a little less reservations. This journey of learning and stepping beyond my comfort zone has been an exciting one.

Each week, the children bring joy to my heart. Their child-like faith and trust in me reminded me of God’s compassionate and all-accepting love. Although the kids are still rowdy and noisy, I am now able to accept them and also patiently love them for who they are. I believe that God when he calls us to a certain ministry or vocation, He will provide when we respond out of love.

In April, our theme was God’s creation. In the first session : ‘God creates me’ Children were made to repeat: “Ako ay espeycal” (I am special). This message served as a reminder that each of us is created unique by God.It was also enlightening see the delightful creativity of children as they put together different symbols of nature in the third session: ’God creates nature’.

Ending a chapter , Beginning a new season

2008-05-05T17:55:00.017+08:00

The 13th day of Jan 2008 marked the end of our two year staff formation. The end of this chapter also marked new begginings for the four of us who took our first covenant with the Glory of God International Covenant community and committed ourselves to the ICPE community.

Despite all the fears and self-doubt, as I took this leap of faith and said my 'yes' I felt a sense of awe and gratitude. Taking the covenant means, for me, a response to God’s invitation to love, a decision to be rooted in a place and a choice to give myself fully to a community of people whom God had chosen for me to be a part of. This experience is one of great joy and privilege.

Therese also renewed her 'yes' on the same day as she renewed her covenant with the ICPE community.

It was also time to say goodbye to this season and to friendships that were built over the two years. This day marked the end of our two year staff formation.

At the end of the day, we all agreed that these two years had been a time of blessing and grace as we each responded to God's way of transformation.

Journeying with Children

2007-12-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

One of the highlights for me during the past months here in the Philippines is journeying with the children in Montalban. I’ve never had any prior experience teaching or journeying with Children, so this is a new experience for me. I felt that God is challenging me to embrace this new ministry which my leaders have assigned to me. I’ve learnt a lot and journeying with our children weekly – providing basic catechesis through simple activities and faith sharing, had taught me many different things and I grew in compassion and patience for those God had sent to my life. Many children come to our ministry, with an eagerness and hunger for the word of God, for our love, our embraces and our presence. They are always very excited to see us and await for our arrival early before our session begins. Through their simple faith and trust, I’ve experienced a profound consolation of God’s presence. I’ve learnt what is means to ‘love and welcome’ little children , by just simple gestures of loving them, playing with them, spending time with them and showing acceptance to who they are. I thank God for this opportunity to love his little children, and also to be invited also to be like these little children, trusting that HE can love me.

On the 15th Dec, we held a Christmas party for about 80 children beginning with a children’s mass. It was an enjoyable time. Some of these children have been part of our weekly ministry for 2 years, seeing the growth in our relationship with them brought a lot of joy. I’ve been blessed by their openness to grow spiritually, their hunger for God and their poverty of the Spirit. A total of 80 children attended the event which started with a Mass for children at the Maria Ina ng Kapayapaan Parish (Mary, Mother of Peace Church). Fr Jun, the Parish Priest was our main celebrant. During mass, we offered the Nativity made from clay and pictures prepared by the children. These items were offered as a sign of the children’s love and openness to receive the baby Jesus.

After the mass, we held a party filled with games, food and gifts. With the contribution from our sponsors, we provided each child with a set meal from Jolibee and a Christmas gift. It was a treat to see the excitement and happy faces of our children whom we’ve journeyed with over the past year. Their simplicity, eagerness and contentment with the little they have and what we provided touched our hearts. Our team was uplifted by the event and in awe to see how God provided for these children. Through them, we too experience the message of hope and joy Christ brings in this season of Christmas.

Through them, I’ve also learnt how to appreciate and be grateful for what I have, my relationships, my family and all that God had provided. Seeing their living conditions often breaks my heart and makes me question how come there can be such disparities in our world. I was often led to feel a sense of injustice for them. I pray that as I continue to serve and minister to Children, I'd grow in discovering more and more the love of God through them. I pray that I would , despite my limitations, love them as Christ had invited us to 'love the little ones'. Wishing all of you a joy-filled Christmas Season.

Time of Anointing

2007-12-30T11:04:00.000+08:00

There have been lots happening in the past six months of my stint here in Philippines. I would like to share with you some of the ministries our community pioneered and different outreaches, through which I’ve experienced God’s faithfulness and love for his people, and for which I would like to give thanks and glory back to God.

Besides our on-going ministry with children and adults in Montalban and youth leaders formation for our parish youth, we conducted a two week seminar, the Pastoral Counseling school, and were also invited to journey with some youth from another international community. I felt God’s anointing upon our community and in my own life as I served through leading worship, teachings, supporting, journeying, using the gifts which He had provided.

In July, we conducted the Emmaus Experience. This is a two week seminar for those who are interested in having a community experience and mission exposure in the Philippines. There was two weeks of intensive teachings, sharing lives, ministering to participants from Korea, Indonesia, Singapore and the USA. Participants were exposed to different groups of people here in the Philippines. They reached out to children, university students, those in prisons, people living in slum areas and adults in our weekly ministries; through house visits, university and prison outreaches and a parish seminar. I was assisting in leading and organising this event and it was a great experience for me to see God’s hand through the way he led us in the organization of the seminar and how he transformed and touched the participants. I was again invited to take leaps in trusting and following him.

Teachings
Outreach at Parish Blessing and final mass for participants

Group Photos with Emmaus Experience participants

We also concluded the final session of our 6 months introductory language Course (Tagalog Lessons). I can now converse a little with the children whom we minister to, but I still need to improve much more in the area of language so as to be more effective in our ministries.

In August, our founders Anna and Mario visited us, I was able to spend some time with them, listening to them share their visions, stories and desires. We had teachings from both our founders and an enriching time together as a community. We also continued with our monthly Youth Leaders Formation for the Parish youth and ran a Leadership Camp for them. This was a highlight for me, as it was an outdoor camp. In the middle of a forest farm, we saw the wonders of God through his creation.

Anna, Slywia, Jeanny,Joan,Suzan,Celine,Mario

In September, we began a series of weekly outreach to youth from the Fondacio Community. We were invited to provide weekly inputs and also journey with these youth who come from different parts of Asia and are here in the Philippines for a one-year formation so that they can go back to work as pastoral workers in their respective churches. I was amazed by the way God had called and is anointing youth from Asia to do his work.

Catholic Youth from the Fondacio Community come from different parts of Southeast Asia including Mymmar, Laos, Cambodia, China, Malaysia. It was a great priviledge meeting and serving them.

In October, we had a three week Pastoral Counselling School with 35 participants. Some community members and I participated in this School. We had three international speakers focusing on different aspects of inner healing, pastoral issues to take note of when journeying with those in our ministries. I was able to look at my past and life in a new perspective, and with a great sense of gratefulness. One of the speakers – Sr Hannah, from the Beatitudes community, made an impact through her life sharing, which stirred different desires in my heart.

PCS Participants

"Youth Explosion"

2007-06-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

>>Baguio Youth Camp. 26th – 28th May 2007, Baguio City

As part of the plan to re-evangelise, renew and ‘fire up’ Young College students in Baguio, we organized a three day camp with a dimension of evangelization and leading a radical life. All the youth who came for the camp were college students from diverse backgrounds. Some of them came because of a hunger for God, whilst some came because of fun and friends. Despite whatever reasons they had, I believed God handpicked these 50 young people to attend this camp. It was my first time ministering to philippinos from the mountain province and I was touched by how God, in his faithfulness, had led these young people to this camp to experience his love and goodness.

Our team worked well together.Because the team was small, some of us juggled between a few roles – teaching, leading worship, cell groups etc. I gave two teachings on the Holy Spirit and Radical living and had the opportunity to play the guitar in the worship team.

We witnessed how good music and sound made an impact and difference in leading people into worship. Fond of worshipping and music, myself, I enjoyed this experience. I was also touched and humbled by how God chose to use ‘the unworthy’ me and my gifts to serve him.

Aftermath….
It was moving to see the youth respond to the time we had with them, how they changed and were transformed by God’s love. Seeing the vitality and zeal in these youth, I awed by God’s presence in his people who are the future of our church.
Being on outreach had been a refreshing and enjoyable experience. I returned to Manila renewed and affirmed by our God - a God who calls, leads, guides and provides.

Finally, on a personal note, my two-year formation with the community will end in Jan08 and I am currently discerning whether I would take a two –year covenant as a covenanted member with the community. I ask that you pray for me to be open to whatever God is asking of me and to have courage to respond. I would be taking a personal discernment retreat on the last week of this month and I would appreciate if you could remember me in your prayers.

"ABBA Father”

2007-06-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

>>Life in the Spirit Seminar for Parish Youth, 16th – 20th May 2007 , Batangas City.

As the title of the retreat suggest, it’s main focus was to allow participants to encounter God as Father. There were 25 participants for this 5 day-retreat. Most of those who attended were youth whom we have been journeying with for the past one year. Throughout the retreat, I was privileged to see these youth opening more and more of themselves to the love of the Father.

From their response to our teachings, openness in the sharing and worship sessions, it was evident that the Holy Spirit was moving and stirring in the hearts of these young people, inviting them to trust God more and more as their father and provider, despite their struggles in their families, financial situations and school.

I was moved by the power God’s love and loving embrace for His young people and humbled once again that God would use us - unworthy servants, to minister and reach out. During the final night, each youth were asked to offer up an item as a symbol of their commitment to this journey of faith.

As these youth offered up their lives, I was also challenged to renew my ‘yes’, to adopt a ‘child-like’ posture in seeing things around me and seeking God as my father.

Earthern Vessels Community Retreat in ICPE Philippines : 7th – 10th Dec 2006

2007-06-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

Members from the local community Earthern Vessels under the Glory of God community in Singapore held their retreat here in our community. This is the first time a local community and an ICPE community under the Glory of God Covenant has come together for a retreat. During this time, I served in the kitchen Ministry. Mario, our founder was also present with us during the retreat. It was a time of renewal for me and also a time of seeing the bigger reality of being part of the Glory of God community. I also felt very priviledged to be amongst Singaporeans who are radical in their own way and who, through their witnessing are beacons of light to the pragmatic society I come from.

Emmaus Experience – two week seminar in October (1st -15th Oct)

2007-06-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

We had two weeks of intensive teachings, sharing lives, ministering to participants from Korea, Myammar and Slovakia. We also organized a four day outreach to the Prison ministry and the children’s ministry in Payattas. I played a supporting role during this time, setting up and also doing recordings for the teachings. It brought me a lot of joy to see how God work His marvels in the lives of the participants and how we overcame our challenges, to allow God to meet us where we are at. Though Language was a big challenge, God helped us to overcome it. Participants for the Emmaus Experience 2006

Outreach at Kapayapaan Ng Ina Parish in Kasiglahan, Montalban

Baguio Concert (25th November - 1st December)

2007-06-13T21:39:00.000+08:00

I had the privilege to serve the community in Baguio for a week. This was in preparation for our evangelistic concert to university student. The time I spent with the community there was not void of challenges as we prepared for the concert; however, as we interceded for the concert, I felt God’s assurance and peace. I also felt God’s blessing upon His people and our community. Though we all squeezed in a small house, I was blessed by the Hospitality of our youth community there and experienced God’s love in a deep way through the small community.

Other Photos from Korea Mission Exposure July 2006

2006-08-22T14:36:00.000+08:00

ICPE team from four different ICPE centres around the world
Celebration of the Eucharist the the conference by different bishops and priests from different parts of the world
Time of Worship and Adoration
Praying for the Kkotongnae sisters and brothersTeaching by Patti Mansfield,participant in the Feb 1967 ‘Dusquesne Weekend’ which marked the beginning of the Charismatic Renewal.Pastor and leader in the early days of the Charismatic Renewal City of Seoul

Korea Mission Exposure and Outreach 10th – 25th July 2006

2006-08-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

In the month of July, our team went to Korea for a short mission Exposure and Outreach. This is the third year ICPE has sent a team to organize outreaches and retreats for Catholics in Korea. ICPE’s vision for Korea is to form the Catholics to grow deeper in their relationship with God and become more effective witnesses for Christ who are there.

I had the opportunity to be a small part of this outreach at Kkottongnae. Kkottongnae, Flower Village in English is a Catholic community run by a religious congregation -brothers and sisters of Kkottongnae Sisters. They provide for the homeless and the abandoned with care and love in hope that they will realize the love of God and find peace and the children of God. The different homes in Kkottongnae cater to needy in Korea - disabled, intellectually disabled, abandoned old , homeless, the abandoned children and babies, a hospice , a school for the disabled and mentally challenged children and also a home for those with aids. Besides providing for the homeless and abandoned, there is also a university and Training Institute of love. The university provides education in social welfare and the Training Institute’s organizes programmes for youth to experience the spirit of love in Kkottongnae. (see http://www.flower-vill.com/)

During our time in Kkottongnae, we volunteered at the homes ,organized a two day retreat for the university students and a day of recollection for fulltime staff volunteers and also co-organised a three-day Holy Spirit Conference for youth from different parts of the world.

Working at the Hospice in Kkottongnae
I worked in the Hospice for the terminally ill in Kkottongnae as a volunteer for three days. During the time in the Hospice, I helped the sisters, clean the place, feed the patients, wash and change nappies, bathe and clean the patients and also to pray for them. These patients all had illnesses which are terminal and majority could not do anything by themselves and were on a life-support system to help them breathe. It was a new experience for me and God gave me graces to overcome the fears I’ve had before working at the Hospice.

Though my stint at the Hospice was very short, through this experience, I felt that God was inviting me to appreciate life and the dignity of a human. He was reminding me that every single life on this earth has dignity and He gave us this dignity. As I look at the patients who were dependent on others to feed and clean them , and whose life depended on a life-support system, I am astounded by the mystery of our life and the challenged also to appreciate my life and the dignity of others. God also showed me what compassion is and showed me how I still needed to grow in Compassion.

What impacted me the most was the dedication and love of the sisters working in the homes. I was also touched by God's love through the volunteers and the sisters, who showed me what it means to love and appreciate a human person’s life, even though they are incapable to respond with the same love.

Retreat for University Students and Volunteers.
As part of our outreach programme, we organized a two day retreat to university students and a day of recollection for fulltime staff volunteers. Our programme was aimed at refreshing and empowering the individual , providing a time for recollection and encounter with the Lord. One of the main obstacles we had during the retreat was language barrier. All our teachings, testimonies and sharings had to be translated. But despite this language barrier, God used us. It was a humbling experience for me I remember during our time of ministering, I felt very inadequate as I could not speak the language, I felt a lot of unworthiness and helplessness. So I just surrendered to God to use me and for the Holy Spirit to work through me. And God used me, through my testimony and prayer, to minister to two girls, who had later affirmed me through a translator. This was very humbling for me because although I prayed that God use me in whatever way he wants, somewhere inside me I did not really expect God to do the miracle. So it was a moment of grace for me. I realized then that I still lacked an expectant faith, that many times I pray and although I believe, I do not pray with an expectant faith.

Giving my testimony at the retreat for university students

Holy Spirit Conference for World Youth
Together the the Kkottongnae community, ICPE co-organised a Holy Spirit Conference for World Youth. The preparation for this conference began as early as Apirl this year, when our community was invited by Brother James, Superior of the Kkottongnae community to go to Korea for the outreach and conference. The main speakers for the conference were Mario Cappello, founder of ICPE, Fr Oh founder of the Kkottongnae community and leader in the Korean Charismatic Renewal Movement and Patti Mansfield who was a participant in the Feb 1967 ‘Dusquesne Weekend’ which marked the beginning of the Charismatic Renewal. She had served as a Pastor and leader in the early day of the Renewal and an author of four books. The highlights of the conference included sharings, meeting youth from Korea and other parts of the world, time of testimonies and encounter with the Holy Spirit.

Sharing a Mine entitled "Testify to Love" at the Holy Spirit Conference It was the first time seeing so many youth from different countries. We had youth from all five continents including – America, Africa, Australia and of cause Asia. What touched me most was that despite our different cultures, background and lifestyle and language .we could come together to worship God , in the Eucharist, in the time of adoration, as one in Christ. I remember there was a moment, I felt that we were all united as one body, worshiping God, and our God was a God beyond language, culture and age. I thank God for this opportunity. It was a blessed time.

Celebrating our different nationalities and cultures
Looking back and reflecting about my experiences in Korea, I cannot help but thank God. I am grateful for the opportunity to visit the Kkottongnae community and for the Kkottongnae community for their hospitality and for providing ICPE’s trip expenses. I'm very inspired by the faith and zeal of the Koreans. I believe that God is doing something great in Korea and empowering Koreans. I’m excited to see that in this part of Asia, vocations to the priesthood and religious life is booming and seminaries overflowing. As this is the third year ICPE has organized an outreach programme to Korea, I am blessed to see the fruits bore by the young adult communities which our community has reached out to. I came back from this experience refreshed by God’s mercy and compassion for his people.

Payattas Ministry

2006-06-01T22:50:00.000+08:00

We're in full swing of our ministries here. One of the ministries which we are pioneering in the centre is Ministry to Children and an adult cell-group who live in a dumpsite called Payattas. Payatas is Manila’s largest rubbish dump site and a means of survival for some of the poorest people of Manila.It is both home and work for some 60,000 people, many of them falling victim to sickness and diseases caused by the constant burning of rubbish.
We run a weekly cell group for adults and also ministry to the children. The weekly cell group for adults has given those who come an opportunity to share their struggles and to support one another in prayer.

Having been to Payattas and meeting the people who live there, I’ve filled with gratitude and humility. I’m humbled by the faith of the people despite their living conditions and struggles to make ends meet. I realized that I can never fully understand them, their family situations and culture, their poverty is way beyond my understanding.

Long Distance Adoption programme for children in Payattas

2006-06-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

Recently, hopeXchange(the humanitarian initiative of the ICPE mission) included a list of children in Payattas for the long distance adoption programme. This development programme aims at giving the child, the family and the community a better future. For the children in Payattas, the contributions go mainly towards providing education and financial support for a better quality of life for her family and community. Most families have no money to provide schooling for their children. Those who wish to contribute to this ministry can log on http://www.hopexchange.net/Long_Distance_Adoption.php for more information.

Prison Ministry

2006-06-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

We’ve been assigned to various ministries for the next half a year.. I’ve been assigned to the Prison ministry and Youth Ministry. For Prison Ministry, we are currently working with the Sisters of the Holy Eucharist to provide Restorative formation to inmates at Manila’s Maximum Security Prision. The aim of this formation is to ‘restore’ the dignity of the prisoners and also to share Christ with them. The prison we visit is quite different from what we usually know of a prison. The prison compound itself is like a mini village housing more than 15000 inmates. The prisoners can ‘make their own living’ within the village by buying and selling items for daily living and to visitors. What saddened me was the extremely poor living conditions for these inmates. For me, it is also learning to share Jesus in the prison and to see Christ’s face in these inmates no matter what they have been convicted for.

"I called you to be faithful , not successful."

2006-06-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

We have a meeting with our leaders once in two months for an evaluation of abour our formation and also an opportunity for feedback and intercession. As I prepared for this meeting, I began to reflect on what fruit I’ve bore and the consolations in the past four months. I realized that there have been many moments of desolations, struggles with community life, having to deal with conflicts in relationships etc. but yet at every desolation, there’s grace to overcome and there’s always a new learning about myself, my weakness and a new challenge to grow in a new area.

Despite the desolations, I can see God’s grace and deep within there has been peace.I’ve also learnt was ‘to be’ and ‘to waste time’ with God. That this time of formation is a time to grow more in my identify in God and to re-learn that I’m not called to be successful but to be faithful.

These past months, we were introduced to the various aspects of the ICPE spirituality as well as the Charisms of ICPE. Through the teachings, discussions and reflections, I realized that I’ve been called not just to an institution, but to a new lifestyle. This is something that I’m still learning and embracing. What it means to live fully the charisms and spirituality of a lay missionary in the ICPE community. The challenge is that I forget and that I am not just in an institution, but this is a new lifestyle that God is calling me to and a new identity he is inviting me to embrace and own.

Growing in the gift of music

2006-06-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

I thank God for the gift of music. I can say this now, I believe that this is a gift and I’ve grown in this gift.I remember some years ago, when I was struggling to try to play the keyboard for MSC meetings, God spoke to me through a brother who reminded me that all God wanted was my heart of worship and my desires was what reatlly mattered.
I thank God for this desire to worship and for the joy in my heart whenever I play some instrument to worship him. I’m no professional in music, but I I thank God for the gift of my hands, for music and for all those who had inspired and encouraged me to grow in this area. I am aware of the responsibilities and challenges that come along with this, because much has been given and much more will be expected... But with his grace, I’m open to the many more opportunities to grow, to be used and to be humbled.

Celebrating Life

2006-06-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

It was an Honour to celebrate my Birthday on the octave of Easter and also a community holiday! I was blessed by some brothers and sisters who made my bday extra special by celebrating my birthday in Manila bay and also a surprise party for me at our roof toop. I felt that I was celebrating new life and re-birth. Birthdays are also a time when the community gathers to honour the gift of life. I am grateful for the chance to celebrate the gift of my life with my new companions and to be blessed by their affirmations for me. I remember there were many times in the past where I could not fully appreciate my gift of life, but on this day I can say ‘Thank God for me’ with all my heart and for all that he has made me to be. This is truly a new season for me and I thank God especially for the new friendships in my life.

Youth Formation Week

2006-06-01T21:56:00.000+08:00

We had a week of Formation for our Bagiuo Ministry. We had a week of formation for our Bagiuo Youth Group.
It was an intense week of formation for them as they prepare themselves for a two-year commitment in a new community they will be starting.
I played a supporting role during the formation by cooking, doing some creativity intercessory and also preparing youth for a mime they were going to present for their mission in Singapore and Malaysia. I was blessed to see their desire to seek God and be healed in the various areas of their life as such a young age. What impacted me most was to witness the transforming power of God’s love in their lives.

God of all Seasons

2006-04-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

New Community....

New Friendships...

A New Season of My Life...

We should never be too preoccupied with the future,
there is no reason to be.
God is there
---Mother Teresa

15th January 2006 – March 2006 : First Quarter of my Formation in the Philippines

2006-03-31T22:52:00.000+08:00

Greetings from the Philippines! Time really flies. I'm in my third month here. At the moment, I'm experiencing peace and appreciating the present. Here is what has been happening. Thank you for your prayers and blessings. My petition in this time is for my missionary Visa. I’ve sent in my application and I am praying that it will be approved by May. Please keep me in your prayers!

Commitment as a Community Member in formation - January 15th 2006

I arrived in Manila on the 12th Jan and on the 15th Jan 2006, I committed myself to a two year formation with the community of ICPE – Institute of World Evangelisation. It was a time of grace and blessing for me. I felt that it was a time of blessing and immense grace. The invitation to ‘look forward’ and not look back was clear for me and there was a sense of peace and excitement of all that is to come.

Manila and ICPE Philippines.
I think I have not really shared much about Manila and my formation thus far so I'd share a bit about it first. Those of you who have been here will know that Manila is really dusty and dirty. Our feet and clothes are black at the end of the day. Like the tropical country that it is, it is hot and humid most of the time but since we are living in the heart of Manila city itself, traffic and pollution is overwhelming. Crossing the road is a challenge and real test of courage. There are security guards everywhere, in the shopping malls, train stations etc. It'll take some getting used to at the start, then you realise that it's just a way of life.

Although the Philippinos are predominantly Catholic, there are many Sunday catholics and alot of people who do not have a personal encounter with the lord. There are still many devotions practiced , and my sense is that people don't really know God or experience him, but just depend on the devotions. The young people are greatly influenced by secularism. The trend is that many youths come from broken homes and many are victims of sexual abuse especially by their own parents... Many have already been invovled in pre-marital sex, abortions. Also, many young men are confused with their gender and cross dress. Just alot of brokeness. One of our ministry is to work with youth in the parish as well as a university town nearby.

There's just so much to learn about the people and local culture. For me it is also learning to accept the mindset of the philippino culture, their way of doing things; their 'rubber' time, local mannerisms/mindset. And as a Singaporean, I found it most hard to accept their inefficiencies (this is God teaching me to be humble.)

Community Member in Formation
There are altogether 15 full time missionaries in our community, from different countries, all of whom God has called. Out of these, there are 9 of who are community members in formation. This is a 2-year formation for new members of the Mission The 9 of us beginning formation are from Singapore, Malaysia, Korea, Poland and Indonesia. I'm really enjoying the international community and really getting to know each other better. see the updated icpe website on the Philippines community. . I'm sharing a room with a Polish girl and we share a mini kitchenette with a Korean and Malaysian.

Nine of Us in Formation

My Roommate

We started our formation with orientation of the ICPE Mission and a brief overview of its spirituality, which we will be learning more over the next two years. We also started learning the Philippino language so that we will be able to work and reach out to more people. At our mission centre, we start the day with 7am mass at the nearest church that is a 15 minute walk away. We only have Mass in-house once a week. After that it is personal prayer time, Lauds with the community and then in-house work, lectures, study project or ministry preparation.

In these three months our teachings were mainly focused on Growing in Holiness and transformation. To put aside our ‘old ways’ of doing things, thinking and to allow God to transform us. We had several priests (such Fr Thomas Green ;p) come to give us teaching on various topics following this theme. We also have a study project each week where we are to prepare and present a teaching or reflection. So far, we studied some parts of the CCC and a reflection on “Deus Caritas Est’ – Pope’s first encyclical.

Our Ministries in the Philippines

There are several ministries which the community here embarking one. One of them is reaching out to the poor in a rubbish dump site called Payattas. We are also helping to set up a local youth Community in the University Town of Baguio (5 hrs from Manila). We have a house there and there are 15 youth who are going to start a community under the Glory of God International Covenant community. We are also starting a Leadership formation for youth of a local parish.

As members in formation, our priority is to be transformed and grow rather than ‘reaching out’. That’s why our involvement in the ministries are minimal at the moment. Nonetheless, in the Month of March, I had the privileged to share my testimony with about 40 youth in a parish and visited the prison and also spent a weekend with the youth community in Baguio.

Youth Community in Baguio and Testimony to 50 youth in parish

We also had the opportunity to share about ICPE at the El Shaddai meeting here in the Philippines. There were 10,000 people at the gathering. It was a real blessing for me – to see so so many people hunger and desire for God. It was also a new experience for me to share and present in front of so many people.

Upcoming. Your prayers required for :

1. Our week of Formation for the youth community in April
2. Our Ministry to Mothers in Payattas – a very depressed and poor rubbish dumpsite.
3. Our mission outreach to Korea in July. There will be an ICPE outreach team going to Korea to organize the Pastoral Counselling School. We are also going there as part of ICPE’s involvement in the Holy Spirit Conference for World Youth In Korea. Youth from all over the world is expected.
4. My Missionary Visa. I have applied for a 2-year Missionary visa and I am praying that it will be approved before May 2006.

March Highlights

2006-03-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

United in Faith

A group of sisters and brothers from the community of Kkotdongnae (pronunced as Ko-tong-ae) Brothers and Sisters of Jesus, from Korea came to visit the community in March. They have set up a community here in the Philippines as well. The main purpose of their visit to the Philippines is to promote the Holy Spirit Conference of World Youth in Korea. I was very blessed by their visit. The Congregation is a community of love and salvation. It's main work is Mercy Work in Korea. They have a large facility housing the homeless, abandoned , the dying and the poor in Korea. (much like MC sisters). It is a 'Big thing' in Korea. The community was founded by Fr Oh and had only 18 members. Now there are about 4000 abandoned people in their centres and they have over 350 religious brothers and sisters in Philippines, US and Korea.

The Superior of the community, Brother James was here and he shared with us (with the help of a translator) his vision of empowering Youth in Korea and in Asia. His hope is also to gather youth in Asia , to allow them to experience God's love, give them an opportunity to experience the poor and to be empowered by the Holy Spirit. This was the vision for the Holy Spirit Conference for Youth, which the cogregation is organising this year. What struck me was his passion and zeal in his Vision. He shared that he had this vision a few years ago and it is only now that it is being realised. I was very blessed. God will realise our visions for him, no matter how big and impossible it may seem at the start, just as long as we persevere and have faith. It was an invitation for me to dream 'big dreams' for God. During our time of intercession and prayer together as two different communities, I was also very touched by the unity of the spirit. Though we all prayed in different languages (The Koreans prayed in Korean), we all worshipped the same God and share the same passion and zeal to make him known. It was really moment of grace for me and I felt that God was also stirring great desires in my heart especially for Asia.. and that the world is much bigger than 'me'.

Anyway, I would like to invite you to check out the website for this conference and also to pass the word around, to invited youth you know to go. Or if you can go, also best - we can learn alot. Also, I think it will be a time of grace and experience. The conference will be held in Korea in July (21 -23). The conference is only three days but there is a pre-conference progr where youth can volunteer to work at the welfare facilities in Kkottongnae. The conference costs US50, with food and loggin provided for free. It would be super super exciting , also to be in Korea, meet Fr Oh - Founder of Kktongdnae ( I heard that he is a super anoited presider for mass.),
to experience the vitality and faithfulness of Koreans and to meet Korean youth and other youth. (and cheaper alternative to WYD). ICPE is a collaborater for this event. Our Founder Mario Cappello is the keynote speaker for the event together with two others. There will be an ICPE outreach team there. WEBSITE is : www.hcwy.org. See the videos on what is Kkottongane.

Visit by Mario

Mario, founder of the ICPE Mission also visited us in March. He shared his vision for ICPE and his ideals about community. I was very touched by his sharings and wisdom. One of the things I was most edified by was his simiplicity and humility despite being who he is and all that he has done for God. A humility which I’ve much to learn from. He also shared that his ideal of community is simply for us to gather around Jesus and to share his spirit. This was, for him, the most fundamental. Structures, time-tables, formation, ministry and work is secondary for community. After meeting him, I was affirmed of my being here with the community. I felt affirmation that I'm in the right place for now. So praise God!

March Reflection : Drinking from the dry Well

2006-03-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

As some of you may know I went through a 'dry spell' during my 2nd month here. It was a time of immense dryness during prayer and there were hardly any consolations. Even though I was consistent in my daily prayer, I felt that God was distant. The things and thoughts that used to 'console' me no longer did and I had alot of doubts. Had to face alot of my unworthiness and weaknesses. Also, through this , I realised that learning to surrender is a life-time process and we have to keep doing it.

But God is good , I think there has been a breakthrough for me at the beginning of this week.

One of the things that consoled me was the knowing that through this dryness, God was actually teaching me to let go and to surrender. To learn to seek him and not the consolations. To put aside all my old ways of doing things, old way of praying , thinking etc. Allowing myself to be reconstructed , purified and refined, so that I only seek God. I felt that God was showing me that everything, including consolation is gift from him, not something that we can 'turn on' when we want to. This was hard for me, because, this meant that I had to take another new step to trust and be surprised by God, because now I cannot even see the things that used to 'console' me. Anyway, recently, I picked up Fr Tom Green's Drinking from the dry well , which I had not finish reading. Reflecting on the book gave me alot of encouragement and affirmed me that God was indeed taking me to a new level of surrender and prayer. To learn to seek the God of Consolations, not the Consolations of God. Thankfully also, even though there is alot of dryness during prayer, my general 'feeling' here is a sense of peace. So, for this I am grateful. :) It is still difficult for me but I am begginning to enjoy it - the challenge of contemplation and interior prayer/awarness. Fr Thomas Green, a reknowned Jesuit also came to give us a seminar last week. Meeting him was an encouraging moment for me.

One of the things that I have had to also learn over the past two months is surrendering and accepting my own weakness and inferiorities. It’s funny how in community, your weaknesses become much more apparent to you. I had to learn to accept my mixed motivations for doing things as part of me and that God can work through them. I also had to ‘put aside’ my old way of doing things, my previously known ‘accomplishments’ / ‘known and used giftings’ and to just ‘be’. I realized that the natural tendency for me, when I am faced with a ‘struggle’, is to run away and not face it. I used run away by either ‘doing something’ or ‘hide’ behind the company of friends, in my comfort zone. However, now is the time to allow God to take me deeper in prayer and discovery of who he is. To be ‘led’ by him and not to want ‘control.

God, Where are you?

2005-12-27T11:17:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas again! It's the time of the year when we are all busy with the celebrations, the eating and the drinking. Admist the celebrations, I've been questioning the state of my spiritual life. I wonder if I am truly aware of God's presence amongst the merry making or is He just a 'by-the-way' thingy. Well, perhaps I'm just in need of some silent time, away from the 'noise'

I have been reading Gerard W Hughes, SJ - "God, Where are you". Here's a part from the preface which I thought I'd quote :

"....You taught me a very clear and simple message when I walked to Rome and to Jerusalem : that my destination was the basis of all the subsequent decisions I took, route, maps, equipment, money, direction each day, time for rest, time for walking. It was not that I was continuously thinking of destination Rome, or destination Jerusalem but subconsciously my destination was the ultimate determinant to every decision. To have ignored my destination would have been to walk blindly.."

As I prepare to leave for the Philippines, I can't help but be grateful for all that God had provided for me, especially the people He has sent into my life. I thank God especially for the companions that he has so graciously provided on this journey , companions who are also bold enough to make radical responses to God and who inspire and urge me along. Companions who, though are apart from me, will be looking and walking and looking towards the same destination, seeking peace, joy and fulfilment..

Here's a poem I'd like to share., given to me by a Jesuit whom I consider a teacher in many ways. ~ For all my beloved brothers and sisters on a journey of discovery and seeking God's will, and for all who are struggling to see God in the darkness.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'

And he replied, 'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'

So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.

So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth his intention.

– Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957)

Saying 'NO!"

2005-11-22T15:51:00.000+08:00

As I wanted some inspiration to write a blog, something prompted me to read Gerry's Blog. It was on 'giving'. Ironically, the past week has been a week of immense activities for me. I've had endless meetings each night, long list of tasks , sessions to prepare for and have been feeling quite 'tired'. Over the weekend, I questioned my attitude of giving, and afterall the 'complaining', I discovered that I am really exhuasted!

I realised that I've a lack of ability' to say 'no'. It's like I take on all sorts of tasks, problems and responsibilities belonging to others as though they belonged to me. I allow myself to be available for so many different people and groups of friends as though they really need me. I realised the false vision I have is that if I say 'no', I'd hurt a person, or if I don't 'do', I'd miss out. Further, in the context of my job in the Church, another 'false vision' is that I'd be 'missing' God's graces and 'missing' opportunities to 'reach out' if I'd say no...

All these has taken a toil over me, my physical, spiritual and emotional self, over the week. I know all these 'distorted visions' in my head, but I can't, in practical ways, translate them into action. There's a great fear of abandonment and losing out , that comes from within. Perhaps , it's time to learn how to be 'set free' from these fears... perhaps... this is the reason for my fears about the thought of living in community..

Oh well, to quote what Gerry said in her blog, God can see...

Anyway, here's the concept of Boundaries from 'The Simple Scoop on Boundaries' by Dr. Henry Cloud; cloudtownsend.com

Why are boundaries neccessary?
"Because God is behind the concept of boundaries. According to the Bible, this need is fundamental in the creation of mankind. God created us to be free, and to act responsibly with our freedom. He wanted us to be in control of ourselves, and to have a good existence. He was behind that idea all along.

But as we all know, we misused our freedom, and as a result, lost it. With the loss of freedom came the loss of self-control. The results of losing self-control are displayed in a wide variety of miseries. Consider a few of the alternatives to self-control:
-Controlling relationships where people try to control each other.
-Faith that is practiced out of guilt and drudgery instead of freedom and love.
-Being motivated by guilt, anger and fear instead of love.
-The inability to gain control of our own behavior and solve problems in our lives.
-The loss of control to addictive processes.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1)

Coincidence or Providence?

2005-10-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it's been almost three months since my last entry. Terence and Gee were right , blogging takes effort. As I reflect the past two months, I can't help but wonder how time flies. I realised that when I am busy with work or going out or hanging out with friends , and when I do not make time for God, I miss God's graces.

Anyway, I accomplished a few things the past two and a half months, made a few major decisions, took leaps of faith and overcame some fears. Briefly, I helped organised the ordination of two Jesuit Priests in end July, went to Redang for the Open Water advance course in August. Did my first night dive and overcame abit of my fear of the dark , I think. (It was really scary at first diving at night!). Completed 11 dives in all. Then in Sept, I went for an 8-day silent retreat in Chiangmai all alone and made some life changing decisions. AND sharing with others.

After a dive in Redang

Main Chapel at Seven Fountains

So many major leaps in faith...

Just to share abit of my retreat in Seven Fountains in ChiangMai, Thailand.
It is really a great place. Place is run by the Jesuits. During my retreat, one of the things that I leart was to appreciate scripture. The contemplations and meditations were truly moments of grace for me and through the retreat I'm recharged and reaffirmed by God's presence in my life. It was really quite tough initially cos being alone, you really come face to face with yourself, your insecurites, pride and fears. I had alot of inner chaos and fears coming up. But despite the chaos, there is imense consolation and profound joys , which I am grateful for. I've learnt to let God be God. To surrender my fears to him because God knows what He is doing.

A few weeks ago, Gee asked me if I look for Divine Providence in my life.(She had to share something about this in Bible Study I think). I told her it is really easy to identify providence really, just by looking around (at nature) , by looking at our own lives, by looking at the 'coincidences' in our lives. I believe that there is no such thing as Coincidence actually. Because,coincidence actually contradicts providence. Having said this,I had a very freaky experience just today. (which is why I'm bringing this up).

For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to 'avoid' someone I met recently. I avoided the emails from this person , who is not a local. So , I thought it would be easy to just be 'out of sight and mind'. But just today ,my Sister met this person, who had came to singapore for a programme which my sister is also in . It was so strange! What is God trying to tell me?

"Put your self-love in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. Bear with yourself with great patience. Always fight with deep conviction that I am with you.." Jesus to Faustina. (Diary of St Maria Faustina Kowalska)

The Deepest Desires.

2005-07-22T21:23:00.000+08:00

Making decisions? What are my desires? These were questions that were on my mind the past two days. I am currently reading a book – Landmarks, an Ignatian Journey by Margaret Silf about Ignatian Discernment in a very illustrative way. Good book for those seeking more in life and those desiring to seek God’s Will in their lives.

Chapter 8 talks about God’s will and our desires. Apparently, whilst all of us have desires, there are two different response to our desires – taking or giving. The difference is what Ignatius meant by ‘ordered’ and ‘disordered’ desires. Ordered desires expand us without diminishing the other. These desires draw us into a creative relationship with what lies beyond ourselves without tempting us to try to possess it and leads to transformation. For instance “I long for the source of all light and joy, I need inner nourishment, I want to give them space to share themselves, I want to learn to trust and be trusted…” Disordered desires behave in the opposite way. They tempt us to suck things into ourselves, and the result in the diminishment of the desired object. (ie , desiring of a person/relationship). There is something I desire, so I apply my energies to possessing the desired object. Eg. a beloved person, an object. We take steps to ‘draw’ the desired objects to ourselves. For instance… “I try to exercise power over others, I use other people to gratify my desires, I put others down to make myself feel stronger…”.

One thing worth noticing is that whatever desires we have, it is always our choice to respond to the desires. Sometimes the desires rule us and the strongest desires ‘win’. The fact is that we choose and we have the freedom and the responsibility of the choices we make. (eg : I want to belong to the Church, but I feel obliged to object to some of the ways it does things ; or I want to speak up about the injustice at work, but I fear having negative impressions of me..)

So what’s the relevance with God’s will? Well..
-among all our multitude of desires & responses there are patterns evolving. It is possible then, to identify which are the desires that run deep, which are those that forms our choices and transforming me. -In the struggle of my desires, I am choosing, minute by minute, that particular desire that is strongest in me. Every time I choose in favour of my deeper desire, I reinforce it. It becomes dominant, until it meets an even stronger desire in me.
-Fundamentally, it follows that my deepest desire is centred on becoming the person God created me to me (whatever this means to you). However, there will be movements and choices in me that are going in the opposite direction. What I choose in times of desolation , will not be in line with my deepest desires , and there will be ‘unrest’.
- When my ‘real’ state is one of consolation and God-directedness, my deepest desire (to become the person God created me to be) is in complete harmony with ‘God’s will’ for me. God’s will then does not become something remote and unknowable (that I’ll be punished for not carrying out), but something as close to me as the deepest desire of my own heart, and something that he is only waiting and longing to reveal to me in every moment of my life and in every breath of my prayer.

In the centre of myself, where I am utterly vulnerable,
Therein lies my deepest desire, and my deepest desire is unarmed.

It sounds quite ‘cheem’, cos we’re using our heads. It is really just words describing some of the movements of our hearts and our responses which we don’t always pay attention to. But it worth observing and taking to pray. Our responses and reactions, our emotions ,our actions ,our behaviours, all these reveal to us our desires. To get in tune with what lies deep within us , is something very difficult, almost impossible ,but we can just try to sieve it out, we can only pray and keep trying. But it is in discovering ourselves, I realise, that we discover God and what he desires of us.

For me , going through the reflections and execises in the book really helped me. Also the daily examen is a good start to being more aware of ourselves. I realized that within me , there is a desire to be simple and contented. Which I thought it was a ‘normal’ desire anyone would have. But this desire grew in me and drew me to ‘dispossession’ and a letting go of material possessions. This desire also led me work against the desire to appear ‘powerful or rich’ .. if you get what I mean. The growth of this desire made me discover that it is actually God’s desire for me. So for this I am grateful. And I am still discovering .. .cos this desire could possibly lead me to other deeper desires within me and what God has for me.

Where you are (however unknown)
Is the place of blessing

How you are (however broken)
Is the place of grace

WHO you are, In your becoming
In your place in the Kingdom.

"See I Make all Things New.."

2005-07-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today (4th July), marks the one year anniversary of the end of my ICPE School of Mission in NZ..

I remember about two years ago, Rosita gave a prophecy during the CG which gave me alot of encouragement and hope. I kept it in my mobile for a long long time, holding on to the hope that God placed in my heart. Hope that He would certainly make all things new in my life. And He certainly did.. and continues to do so.

This prophecy was very clearly 'fulfilled' during my time at the School of Mission in NZ..a new time! A new time of intimacy with God, a time of restoration, a time of being, a time discovering my deepest desires. It is funny how when we are caught in a certain situation, it is always difficult to visualise the 'grass on the other side' and because we are so comfortable where we are, we don't really want to risk jumping over the fence... But I guess God has his ways of inviting us to take this risk.

In retropect, I think there were many circumstances in my life which God clearly led me to take this 'leap' over the fence, for which I am now grateful. It is also clear to me that there are just too many 'circumstances' for it to be coincedences...so..
Realised that this 'leap' over the fence has also brought new challenges. Challenge to trust more, to let go n also to remain righteous..

In any case, am really grateful to God for the experience, the frienships made, the time shared with the community and most of all, the graces he showered upon me during the outreach and the affirmation of my gifts from him, gifts which meant for His ministry, thru the people He sent.

...... Entering Tunnel ... At the Rimutaka Bike Hike
As I entered the tunnel (my first actually on a bike,) I recall another remember prophecy specifically from me thru Sue - "The road is very long, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel".

...... In the Tunnel...
Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? We can hope cos there will always be.

Outreach..... My most most favourite part of the School. We went on a 3-week Parish Mission & Outreach.. also.. my favourite Mime "In His Light" .. about power of God's Holy SPirit to transform us.

Us at Mt Taranaki-Highest Mt in North NZ.

"...For As long as I shall live, I will testify to love,
I'll be a witness in the silence, where words are not enough
Every breath I take, I'll give thanks to God above...
For as long as I shall live, I will testify to love..."

Matthew Got up and follow Him... Matt 9,9-13.

2005-07-01T11:53:00.000+08:00

The first reading of yesterday and today's Mass were on Abraham. I remember at a personal retreat two years ago, I found God challenging me to be like Abraham, to give up a relationship very precious to me. Well, Abraham was one inspiration for me at that time. His willingness to sacrifice without questioning, was something that seemed so impossible for me. [Maybe it was easier for him because he could ‘see’ and ‘hear’ God, whereas for us, it is just blind faith.] In any case, I drew strength from the fact that God will not test you beyond what you could handle & He , being a jealous God, just wants you to proof to him that you can will choose him n respond when he ask you to.. So … I guess the point is just TRUST.

Today, I am grateful to God for the past two years. They were filled with many trials and falls, but also many unexpected surprises and wonderful graces. As I pray for a friend who is making a radical choice to follow Christ like Matthew , in today’s Gospel, I am stirred and awed by His desires for me…

Below is a reflection from Daily Gospel which I subscribe to. It is really good, the email will send you the daily readings and also a reflection on the Gospel by some saint or Pope.

“Matthew got up and followed him.” Matt 9:9

Our Lord told Saint Matthew: “Follow me.” This lovable saint is a model for everyone. He was first of all a great sinner, as the Gospel says, and later, he became one of the great ones among all God’s friends. For Our Lord spoke to him in the depths of his being, and then he left everything in order to follow the Master.

To follow God in truth – that is everything; and in order to do that, it is necessary to truly and completely leave all that is not God, whatever it might be. God is a lover of hearts. He is not interested in what is external; rather, he wants us to give him a living interior devotedness. That devotedness has in itself more truth than if I said prayers so as to fill the whole world, or if I sang so loud that my song rose up to the highest heaven, more truth than everything I might do externally in fasting, vigils and other practices

My Very First Blog!

2005-06-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

This is my very first online journal.(yes I'm abit slow.) Thought I'd make an effort to be more reflective in my daily entries and to share all the God-given graces, short of having a nice webpage.

Today, Catholics celebrate the Solemnity of St Peter and Paul. Two great men & pillars of the Church. Men of great faith, Men who risked everything for God. I was awed at Mass today. Awed & grateful for the gift of Faith God has given to me. Something even I myself cannot fathom. To believe even when though there's doubt, to trust despite the fear, to hope even when there's trials...

"I have fight a good fight;
I have finished the race;
I have kept the faith."
2Tim 4:7